Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
