I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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