You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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