I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
