we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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