Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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