He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
