I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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