you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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