You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I am available for nakedness
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
