there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
