One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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