if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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