Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
