im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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