its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
