so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
