You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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