I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
