woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
how drunk are you?
Several
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
