no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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