what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
