I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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