At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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