omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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