I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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