He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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