It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
