No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
