i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
