WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize