Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
