I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize