dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
