I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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