We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
