I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
His nipple licking is glorious
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