no, he came in my armpit
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
