so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
