Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
