evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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