You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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