she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
