Im at strip club and am horny
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
50% drunk capacity currently
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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