where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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