if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
