So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
