she woke up with a sticky ear
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
