i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
