A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
