he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
