What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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