You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
