when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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