You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
