get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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