Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
