sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
