Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
