She is in my trunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
