so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I could fuck to npr.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
