White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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