Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
