we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
