Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
