He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just forgot I was standing up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
