Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
