How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
