totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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