my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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