Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
