mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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